2009. It’s started, hasn’t it? As if we had a chance to catch up with the end of the year, the new one marches forward ripping its way through the fabric of time. In no way do I feel different, I sign a different number, 09 09 09…repeat it enough and it’ll become habit. The only thing that’s changed, really is everyone’s mindsets. Must make resolutions, must lose 10 lbs, must go to the gym, must stop smoking, must finish school. As time goes on, though, these promises, empty as they are, fade away just as easily as the 09 becomes easier to remember to sign on your forms.

Looking forward, this is the year I turn 25, the year my driver’s license expires, the year I receive my diploma, the year I have to find a real job. 2009 could prove to be my greatest year yet. With an accomplished resume in hand, I’ll charge the bleak market, hoping some business will be open to the possibility of hiring a dance major in some role that doesn’t require mopping or serving tables. Is it too much to ask for a stable life? (Stable economically, at least) As early as September my loans will go into repayment time which gives me little to no time to find a job. I’m not freaking out, yet though. I still have so much to do before May, so many more accomplishments to fulfill.

Last night I fell asleep with my contacts in for what was probably the third time in a week. Part of my problem is that I lost my glasses. The other part is that I have no one at home to tell me I’m falling asleep and need to take out my contacts. I leave my lights on, fall asleep with my phone in hand, wake up at 4:30 confused and disoriented. I don’t need a chaperone, a man to take care of me, but a friendly reminder to keep me from ruining my eyes would be ever so helpful. It’s just that when you’re alone, sometimes you don’t realize how tired you are, when you’re falling asleep. It’s not the same as when you’re with someone and you feel them fall asleep next to you, twitching. Most people don’t twitch when they fall asleep. My body goes crazy, legs twitching. It’s from all the dancing, I presume. I’ve only met one other person who was like that. Feeling him fall asleep was so comforting, heartbeat, warmth. What is so lovely about another body? Why do we crave that closeness, that intimicay? Wh more do we crave it with some and not others? What makes it easier to fall asleep with one and impossible with another? I never noticed my legs twitching with one, and couldn’t fall asleep with another.

I think if I could make a resolution, a promise, a goal, it would be to figure these things out…figure out what makes one person so special and everyone else just everyone else. I’m sure it’s not in my power to do, but I’ll try.