School has once again sucked me into a routine. I wake up at 6:15, make coffee, shower, dress, get a ride to ballet, then start my onslaught of classes. Each day I find myself getting more and more tired, feeling less and less rested. This whole University Dance Theatre thing doesn’t help much. In a week and a half, I will be done with it, done with my last UDT. It’s weird, really, I’ve been fortunate enough to do three and it’s all ending so soon.

For the most part, I enjoy my classes. I inadvertently signed up for the Biology 1001 class which focuses on sex and reproduction. Hooray! We watch squirrels having sex, humans having sex, giraffes mating, it’s really exciting. The readings for the course are a bit weird, though. I don’t think I’ve read a text book like that since high school and the “essay” we’re reading called The Red Queen is wrought with problematic, heteronormative discourse. Oh well, I’ll just keep my mouth shut and pass the class to graduate.

The more and more I get to know him, the more and more I want to know. Rarely have I felt so equaled, so engaged, so titillated by mere conversation. We’re not even so much alike. I mean, in some ways we are; both wanting PhDs, but nerds who love Harry Potter, both like cupcakes and Chipotle. I’m cautious, though, cautious of letting go too much, falling in again, making myself too vulnerable. I’ve done a good job of that so far, of being vulnerable. It’s not such a hard thing sometimes, if you’re in the right hands.

I’m finally getting over my ex, maybe not completely, though. I don’t think we ever really get over someone. We just have to keep going with our lives. The feelings don’t change, they just have to move, they have to relocate to the non-feeling part of the body…wherether that is. Just last night, I was able to have a conversation. Granted, it wasn’t in person but it was a step, hopefully in the right direction. Maybe we both just need a little more time to make things easier.

There’s always just too little time to get it all done.

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