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My medium americano tastes like I just rolled out of bed. I’ve been awake for hours, though, my thoughts drifting, circling. Yet I find myself here, staring across the table at the thing most intangible. Less than an arms reach away, and I find myself restraining. When is it ok to just break all the rules? I’m getting close to breaking mine. It’s inevitable that I’ll find myself locked in some sort of tango, a dance of course, another one-sided pas de deux. Maybe this time, i’ll be lucky. Maybe this time he’ll stay.

There are literally two weeks left of school. I am freaking out. I have to write theorizations for a dance concert. They’re due like last Sunday. I have to organzie two workshops, write a bunch of stuff, and still do all my other homework on top of that. Plus, finish like 3 long papers. I think I’m going to buy a coffee shop, settle down, and continously work until my mind stops working. It might take a while. With caffeine infusions every other minute, I’ll be sure to either have 1. intensified arrythmia, 2. brilliance, 3. the inability to ever sleep again, 4. a heart attack. Honestly, I’m kind of ok with any of those. I’m leaning towards the last. Just let it all go, see what happens from there.

Maybe I’m just afraid to jump. I’m too scared to leave this place that I’ve found so comfortable since November. I like where I live, being alone; I even like all the free time I have to do whatever I want without having to check with someone else. There might be real prospects. I continue to overlook them. I continue to fall back on a dream.

My plan for the summer is to take the leap. Here’s to jumping and landing on two feet.

i just realized I can blog from my phone. I like it. It's weird. The end.

So much has changed since my last blog post. It’s far too much for me to go into, but let me just say I’ve become entangled in an outward spiraling protest surrounding a protest in the dance building. I’m not going to comment on it anymore, or post a link to it on this blog. I’m just commenting on how it’s affected me and my life in the past weeks.

I looked back at my old post. The one about time, about the order of things, about love. I sounded so hopeful, so ready. I’m just not sure where I fit in with it all. When is it ok to fall down and not get back up? I’m just tired of always wanting what I’m not allowed to have. It gets old after a while. Very old. I just don’t want to want anymore.

I’m almost done with school. I suppose I need to find a real job. I wouldn’t mind the security if I could find one. I wouldn’t mind Starbucks, actually, but I’m not sure if even they’re hiring. It’s not the best time to be thrown into the job market. I think I’ll just take a vacation and go to France, marry a dignitary, and finally achieve my status as global citizen.

The boy I’ve had a crush on all year is single. I don’t know what to do.

I seriously don’t have anything else to say right now. I need Middlebrook brunch with Jeff. It’ll be majeriff.