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I ran around the very lake that burned me a week ago.  I’m metaphorically feeling the same way at the moment.  My hamstrings and calves are sore, but I must say it feels good to have done some sort of exercise.  3.2 miles, though, without running in a long time, was a bit for me to jump right into.  Dance does not really train to be aerobic, although I wish it did.

I beached for a while too.  It was a little windy, so I didn’t stay for too long but I started to realize something while I was lying there getting poored down on by UV rays.  I want to go away to the wilderness.  I want to go to the north shore, see the stars, eat from a fire. I want to escape urban life for a day or two or three and wander in the woods until I can’t remember what it’s like not to be able to see Ursa major, the big dipper, Orion’s belt.  I want to feel like that again.

The longer I live, the more complex everything seems to be.  When you’re 5 you love your parents, your siblings, your dog, the earth, the sky, the water, you love everything.  When do we stop?  How does love stop being a given?  I think I know.  Do you?

I’m due for a new one of these.  I’m due for a lot of things.  Interestingly enough, I’m writing now that my red ripe burn is FINALLY all gone.  It’s given way to a “darker” tan than my incredibly pasty skin.  I think this means I’ll go for a run today, try to get some of that burn back.  I’m in desperate need for some kind of exercise.  I haven’t really done anything forever and my foot is starting to act up.  I hope I can start taking dance again soon.

I just sort of took a 2 hour break while writing this. I think I’m going to go for a run and update later.

I have to write. I have to write. I have to write.  It’s been too long since I wrote anything with real substance.  I’m not promising anything with this post, but at least I’ll give it a real college (post grad) try.  It’ll be my goal for the rest of the summer to post at LEAST twice a week. Haha, fat chance.

Yesterday I spent a majority of my day at one of the Lake Calhoun beaches.  This is a picture of the skyline you see from the beach.  Pretty, no?  Leave it to Minneapolis to create a small group of lakes right next to it’s downtown.  Lying out in my new Sauvage boy-shorts swimsuit for hours I probably got too much sun.  Consequently, here I am this morning, the color of a ripe tomato.  I don’t usually tan, or burn, or anything.  I just freckle.  I guess yesterday proved me wrong. Thank you Lake Calhoun, thank you.

Today one of my favorite people is heading off for a summer in Europe.  It’s going to be weird without him here.  Since Elizabeth started going to Spain, the people I care about tend to rush off to Europe for the summer.  Maybe something is telling me that I should really travel.  I want to go to Italy, France, Germany, England, Scotland.  I want to see where my ancestors came from, and I want to do it soon; before I get locked into some corporate machine, unable to escape for longer than a week or two at a time.

I have some horribly exciting news.  I cant quite spill it yet, but I might be doing some really amazing things in November.  The more I find things out, the more I will be able to spill.  Let’s just say, for now, international dancing experience?

P.S.  Tattoo, must think of what i want.

I feel completely spent.  I can’t sleep at night or during the day. I’m an anxious mess right now  I just want to find a job, some sense of security.  It’s May, it’s the day after the last day of the semester.  Something, anything would be nice at this point. It’s really time to get motivated, to make my mark.  I don’t really have anything to write.  I think I’m too tired to think.

Maybe I can take a LITTLE nap.

So excited! 😀

The show Will and Grace got pretty popular when I was in high school.  As a young, closeted gay kid without full cable or knowledge of any real online gay communities, this show was really my only outlet to gay culture.  I think I’m beginning to understand some of the effects this limited exposure had on my experience coming out, dating, and interacting in relationships.  I wouldn’t call it a bad first taste of culture, but it is rather limiting.  Will was the only real gay role model I had.  With no out gay men, or women for that matter, in my home town, Will’s “perfect” constructed identity offered a glimpse of hope to a lonely, afraid teenager.

I wish I could’ve had more role models, more public images.  Has there been a disney movie centered around a gay character?  Can two princes ever really come together?  We’re not there yet, you might tell me…whoever you are.  We can’t teach kids homosexuality is ok.  Whatever.  If so many conservatives have problems with the gay identity as it is now, perhaps a solution could be to INCREASE visiblity. Offer more positive portrayals of gay, lesbian, bi, queer, trans people.  Something tells me the myspace loving, manhunt prowling homonormativity might begin to break down.  More role models, fewer archetypes, breaking down stereotypes. I, for one, can’t wait until the day I can watch my first gay animated disney movie.  Perhaps a twist on the Prince and the Pauper.  It could work.