so. i’m not fully here right now. i shouldn’t write this. i might delete it tomorrow.

i don’t know anything anymore. i don’t know what’s right or wrong. i don’t know anything. i just know how i feel. and that’s conflicted.

i’m going to sleep. i might pass out. nothing goes away. it all stays here in my head. my feelings don’t change if i want them to like i could control them. i missed stuff today. i wish life were different. i want to buy two tickets to europe. i want to go. now. not look back. i want so many things that i don’t know how to make happen. you were right about that. maybe. you’re right about a lot of things. probably everything. probably like me. we’re both probably always right. when we don’t want to be, even. i don’t know how that works. i just know i can’t stop.

i want to go away. away far away. i want to climb rocks and light fires and make marshmallows and change the world. i want so many things. i don’t know what i want. i want happy. i want to believe. i want to not be so cynical.

i am going to bed. i will most likely delete this. i will most likely not know that i wrote this when i wake up. happy 4th of july. i’m almost 25. 9 days til harry potter. i couldn’t be more excited. for so many reasons.

goodnight, world.