5, or so, winter tips from a midwestern-sort-of-boy

So I am starting to think about spring and summer, naturally, because there was a snow storm yesterday.  If I could just wear this every day that would be perfect.  Or something like this.  It’s from the SS 2010 Burberry Prorsum and I WANT it.  OK, So I’ll stop pretending like I could ever afford that.  I personally can’t wait for the spring.  This whole winter thing is pretty, like always, but the snow is already starting to get dirty, black, and compacted.  The soft, fluffy stuff, for those of you who don’t know (and I am only pretending to think that people outside of my immediate friend group who have lived in the wintery wonderland forever) only stays around for about 3 hours.  After that, people drive and destroy it all.  Argyle was slightly different.  At least the fields and snow drifts remained relatively untouched.  It’s prettier, but also MUCH colder there.  I do not envy the -50 weather that’s been recorded up there already this year.

Here are some “friendly tips” for winter in the Midwestern Tundra.

1. Fight the weather with sprfshn.  Fur is in, so wear it.  It’s warm.  OK I’m not going to be friends with PETA anytime soon, but I like eating chicken and turkey anyway.

2.  Always turn your wheel INTO the spin.  I don’t know if they actually teach this anywhere besides NW Minnesota, but if you’re driving and you start to go into a spin, turn the wheel WITH the spin.  It’s the only way you’ll get out.  It feels counter intuitive, but it will SAVE your life.

3.  Drink lots of STARBYS.  Nothing keeps you warm like a Venti quad nonfat caramel macchiato.  If you like skinny vanilla latte’s like JOHN, that’s fine too.  Just keep yourself hydrated and warm.  Also, carry around those travel mugs.

4.  If you get frostbite, sit on your hands until you can feel them again.  I know it hurts, but you have to do it.  Heating pads work too.  If it’s -30 degrees outside, try not to stay outside for more than 3 minutes at a time. (this is not a scientific number, i’m just guestimating, naturally.)

5.  The most important thing to do in the winter is to exercise.  Sure your merona wool sweater will stretch and give, but your t shirt and tanktops in the spring and summer probably won’t.  Also, exercising fights seasonal depression…it’s a proven fact, people.  Just do Yoga or take a walk or do 30 minutes on the elliptical.  The naturalized impulse is to hibernate.  FIGHT IT. We aren’t bears…

OK, Martha is on now.  Speaking of YOGA, they’re doing a yoga show today.  Martha opened the show in a headstand.  Everyone’s showing their favorite pose.  Here’s mine.