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OK so here’s my BOSFRONZ blog post.  Prepare to cry…that’s more of a warning to myself because really no one else cries at these things besides Jeff and John.  In a nutshell 2009 was the year of the eyebrows.  I don’t know exactly what that means and I don’t have the desire to try to prove it, although I’m sure I could.  All I know is that I had eyebrows all of 2009, and so did my friends.

For me, personally, 2009 was meteoric considering accomplishments.  I am so incredibly lucky to have had such amazing opportunities.  Things I was able to do: went to China, lived in NYC for a month and a half, performed at the Northrop, showed choreography at ACDFA and was extremely well received, and countless other things that I’m sort of blanking on right now.

So I thought I’d go through these photos and sort of non-chronologically explain the year.  I’ll go top to bottom left to right.

1.  China was INCREDIBLE. This pic was taken with all the company, guests, and spouses who were along for the ride.  What an AMAZING adventure.  We literally flew over the world to get there and back.  Without a doubt the memories from this trip will never leave me.

2.  OF COURSE if you’ve ever seen my besti, Jeff, and my wall to wall on facebook, you might notice the trend of starting every statement, question, remark, and basically anything with “remember whens”.   I mean, it’s impossible to remember something that hasn’t happened yet, but it’s not about “making sense”.

3.  This was Ra’mon and I’s first night in New York!  We were in Times Square looking for someplace to eat and he stopped me and said, ok before we do anything else we need to take a picture here. 🙂 So cute and happy.  We look like we belong there, no?

4.  This was my FIRST Limon company experience back in March.  The dancers were staying at the Westin and us U of Mers went to hang out and take them out for a night on the town the Minnesota (which equals freezing, naturally) way.

5.  So this is really cut off but it’s John Sand and I posing at the Citypages photobooth on the 4th of July at Too Much Love.  Clearly we were dressing down that night and thinking rather conservatively.  Also, we were by no means drunk.

6.  Another John Sand and Brent Radeke classic.  The U Otter was the perfect night before I headed to NYC.  We sang karaoke and drank whisky cokes and generally had a brilliant time, like always.  What I remember most from that night is my clever tactics in avoiding a trip to White Caste and instead directing hunger toward the wonderful and always open McDonalds.

7.  FORD HALL. Besti Jeff and I posed in front of the infamous and fordable Ford Hall on the Fierce Purple Cardigan holiday known as Gay Easter.  Of course no GE could be complete without a trip to Noodles.  We walked all over campus but eventually we ate and finished off the night watching Jesus Christ Super Star for Pjsesus.

8.  (2nd row furtherst right)  2009 UDT and I believe it was opening night.  Duncan, Kat, and I were sporting our fierce costumes for Shapiro and Smith’s “A Moment Before”.  Starr’s in the background making fun of our wedgies, I’m sure.  An amazing cast, an amazing dance, and an amazing UDT.  I miss dancing with everyone back home more than a little bit.

9.  My favorite part of the summer is my “vacation” up north to Nisswa.  Riding on the jetski with my cousins and getting tan in my tiny swimsuit was the goal and i SUCCEEDED.  I also succeeded at getting drunk by noon and taking shots with my mother.

10.  Biggie Slims and I rockin out the NYE 2009 at the Crystal Ball. OH WHAT A NIGHT.  Let’s just say that BEP song was pretty true 4sr.

11.  Me and my hero, Ananya on my last day at work at ADT.  Miss her and that work and those amazing women and doing some social justice but trying to forge my own path now.

12.  Jesi and I were 2cool4school eating lunch on the steps of the Met.  Gossip Girl XOXO.  That’s right, I’m the queen bee.

13.  (bottom left)  Harry Potter 6 was probably one of THE highlights of the summer for me.  Dressed up and going to the midnight showing.  I swear I went with the most creative group of costumes.  I was the least creative, but I at least wasn’t like Ron or Harry or something.  IT WAS SO GOOD.

14.  Honestly, 2009 (and part of 2008) were the years of Missa Brevis.  I have been doing Limon work now for over a year. CRAZY.  It brought me to China, though so I can’t really complain…at all.  The part in the pic is from the sextet.

15.  STATE FAIR DUH.  Me and the ladies went to the state fair and stuffed ourselves with entirely too much food and I ruined a pair of shorts dancing and we got SOAKED on a water ride.  One of THE BEST days of the year.  I am definitely coming back next year for some more food and laughs.

16.  (Last but definitely not least) Transmission.  Kara, John and I (the sprfshn trio) invaded Jager for 80s night.  Of course we were the most fabulous people there, but we didn’t win the Madonna discography for best costume.  Not cool.  Of course we went to McDonalds after and of course we had a fabulous time.  There’s always drama, of course, with some ex or another showing up but what’s fun without a little FLARE?  (If I don’t stop writing soon I’m going to throw up)  I was clearly an 80s dancer and John was some country star or something.

OK those were my 16 pictures.  2009 is done and i’m ovr it.

BaI

In 2010 John Sand WILL watch Cats.

Life seems to be a matrix of choices.  How we decide to choose is our own problem.  I think for the people who realize this, life becomes a lot more fragile.  Sometimes I get lost in my own head for hours just because of all the millions upon trillions of different scenarios, lives, minds, and forks in the road.  Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how other people make choices.  It’s not that complicated, really.  We’re conditioned to make choices in the manner that we do, it seems.  It gives a bit of predictability to life.  The room for error decreases the more you get to know a person.  It seems that the number of choices can be limited to a few thousand instead of a billion.  What does it really matter if you can predict, though?  Should it stop me from acting, from socializing, from following my fucked up mind?  I really don’t believe in fate.  Destiny is an easy way out for people too afraid to realize their agency.  The moment you open your mind to the possibility of self-control of the future is the same moment you realize how incredibly important and at the same time incredibly unimportant everything is.  Nothing and everything matters.  It’s all in the words, it’s all in the moves.  In 2,000 years history will have been decided by an uncountable number of different choices made by an infinite number of people.  Take some fucking ownership of your life.  Or sit and freak out about it for a while.  That’s what I do.  The longer we sit and lie dormant, the less of an impact on anything we make, which is more of an impact.  I’m talking in circles and making no sense.  I’m writing to get things off my chest that I’m not writing because I don’t know who reads this.  It’s all in the words, in the thoughts, in the moves, in the emotions.  Emotions are another thing altogether.  Love is a powerful thing, but that doesn’t mean it actually exists.

I’m ready for it to be fall. I am ready for summer to be over.

in the end it all doesn’t make sense.

who gets to have a happy ending? who gets a silver platter? i am anxiously awaiting november. it couldn’t come any sooner. the contract should arrive in the mail soon. i’m gonna sign it right away and send it back without even blinking.

how did i become so mediocre?

today i feel like lying in bed and eating ice cream and oreos.

it’s cold and summer’s almost over. finally.

Things I have realized in the past 24 hours.

1. I don’t need or want a job. (this is false, at least the first half.)

2. I want to wear this every day for the rest of summer.

3. Hedgehogs don’t look like sonic, at all.

4. I’m starting a book and my lack of job will help me in writing.  Maybe I’ll get an advance. ha.  If you want to be in my book, you better be cool.  I take bribes.

5. It’s really hot in Minnesota during August and I don’t do well with humidity.

I want to write something good.  Like I used to write.  Right now is not the time.

I have a bunch of countdowns.  3 months and 2 days til NYC, then 3 more weeks til China. 1 month and 3 days til Midwest Arts Conference. And other various ones.

I’m going away for the weekend. Probably my last vacation before NYC.  Is work really a vacation, though? No.  September is coming up fast.  Ananya Dance Theatre’s “Ashesh Barsha, Unending Monsoon” is opening very very soon. September 10-13 at the Southern Theater in Minneapolis.

Summer is almost over.  In Michigan the leaves have already started to change.  I like fall, though. Autumne. Probably my favorite season.  You can wear sweaters and it smells like pumpkin.

Life is pretty good, I’ll say that much.

I haven’t written in forever. I feel like I have lots to say but not really sure how to say it. I guess I don’t let people in.  I guess maybe I should.  I guess this is maybe not the place to let it all out.

I’m 25 now.  Weird.  I feel like I’ve been getting noticed on the street though.  I always thought when I turned 25 I would have everything figured out, where I was going, etc.  I’m sure I already said this before.  Here I am, 25, with nothing figured out.  I don’t really think anyone has anything figured out though.  I’m pretty sure if someone says they do, they’re really just lying to themselves and others.

I want the world to stay mouldable. I hate when things start to harden, to cement themselves in place.  I think it’s an immaturity I don’t want to let go of.  I don’t want life to solidify or become fixed.  The only fixed thing I want is for things to stay not fixed.  Fixed as in static, not repaired.  I think once something is fixed it’s much harder to repair.

Summer seems to be going by quickly.  I’m trying to take tame to enjoy it, but it’s hard when work demands so much.  I’m not even full-time, but I feel so crazy half the time.  It’s good though.  Keeps me busy and my brain engaged.  I think that’s about it for now.

Tomorrow is my birthday.  It seems quite strange.  I’ve seen Harry Potter three times now, and I absolutely love it.  I’m getting older, but I don’t know that I feel it.  I don’t know what to feel exactly.  It’s like being 25 is just like turning 5.  I’m not really sure about time or linearity or anything like that.  I’m sure that I don’t know as much as I did then.  Or maybe I know more.  Little boxes on the hillside.

The zoo tomorrow.  With dinner and who knows what else.  I’m hoping for a nice day.  I feel slightly discombobulated. My thoughts and my dreams and my wishes are all colliding.  If I could see the stars I bet it would feel something like that.

It’s pride weekend in Minneapolis.  There are gays everywhere.  My entire neighborhood is being taken over for a few days, getting all glittery and sparkled up.  This is my third year going to pride.  Last year was blah, the year before was a little more fun. I hope this turns out to be fun.  I’m not overly optimistic.  I just get really uncomfortable in such huge crowds.

I’m ready to be back in the North Shore. I keep having dreams about it.  About seeing the eagle, sitting around the fire, eating marshmallows, singing songs as loud as possible in the wilderness. haha.  I’ve learned of some really great places to eat on the way there since.  I wanna eat at the Scenic Cafe and Gunflint.  There’s just something about escaping that always seems so appealing.  I still have to figure out how I’m going to write about the trip. It’s hard to way to start these things, you know?

This past week has been insane.  Good and bad and inbetween.  Simple doesn’t have to be easy.  I’m often perplexed by some people’s inability to really examine their own problems.  Maybe I really am one of them, but I tend to think I have a pretty good idea.  I just want another vacation.  Another weekend of being completely lost.

So I’m trying to figure out the best way to write about this past weekend.  I know I’ll never forget it.  I know I don’t need to necessarily document anything that happened, but I want a record.  I’m racking my brain as how to best do this.  I need to strike while the iron is hot, so they say…whoever they is…but i just don’t know how to do this.  Anyway, I’m not dead. I didn’t get eaten by any bears.  I didn’t fall into the great Lake Superior and succumb to the frigid temperatures.  I’m back in Minneapolis, tanner than I was when I left.  Ok. I’m gonna think on this.  Check back soon?

shampoo & conditioner: Biolage shampoo and conditioner
toothpaste: Crest
soap: ivory…it floats
jeans: I love so many jeans.  I like anything that fits, though.  My two favorite pairs are levis skinny jeans
tshirts: american apparel and h&m
lotion: aveda
vacation: napa valley, the wine country in california going wine tasting all around
cologne: i have so many, but my top favorite right now is D&G “the one”, but I have so many
cocktail: cosmo or dirty martini
undies: Calvins and Emporios
hair: my cousin’s sheers make me fauhawks, mohawks, and buzz cuts. Current look:  subtle mowawk
sunglasses: i love me some aviators.  my favorite pair of white aviators are broken. i’m currently on the lookout for new ones
books: vonnegut, butler, Butting Out, les trois mousquetaires
album: a fine frenzy, one cell in the sea
film: amélie, atonement, la vie en rose
entree:
Fancy: Quattro Formaggi Gnocci from Pazzaluna
Normal: Pepperoni Pizza and Mtn Dew from anywhere
vices: Quad venti non fat caramel macchiato
night out: dinner/movie/tml?
childhood ambition: famous actor in a musical, firefighter, marine biologist, but mostly paleontologist
snacks: chips, salsa, salso con queso, and popcorn
deadly sin: lust
3 dinner party guests: this would be an awesome fucking meal of minds
living- Judith Butler
dead- Michel Foucault
people i know- Ananya Chatterjea
personal bible: I don’t like religion or bibles…not a fashion magazine though…
style icons: idk
perfect date: I really don’t know.  It might involve a beach though.
dog breed: chipoodle


flowers: daisies
daily necessities: my phone, my compy, and some good coffee, plus good conversation
life’s ambition: write a book that is published and taught in schools
childhood literature: the boxcar children, JPs, Little House on the Prairie, the Chronicles of Narnia, so many more. I read so much
fave love song: “I’ll cover you” from rent
all you need is. . . dance, love, and friends…not in any particular order
pet peeve: people who try to control others