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OK so here’s my BOSFRONZ blog post.  Prepare to cry…that’s more of a warning to myself because really no one else cries at these things besides Jeff and John.  In a nutshell 2009 was the year of the eyebrows.  I don’t know exactly what that means and I don’t have the desire to try to prove it, although I’m sure I could.  All I know is that I had eyebrows all of 2009, and so did my friends.

For me, personally, 2009 was meteoric considering accomplishments.  I am so incredibly lucky to have had such amazing opportunities.  Things I was able to do: went to China, lived in NYC for a month and a half, performed at the Northrop, showed choreography at ACDFA and was extremely well received, and countless other things that I’m sort of blanking on right now.

So I thought I’d go through these photos and sort of non-chronologically explain the year.  I’ll go top to bottom left to right.

1.  China was INCREDIBLE. This pic was taken with all the company, guests, and spouses who were along for the ride.  What an AMAZING adventure.  We literally flew over the world to get there and back.  Without a doubt the memories from this trip will never leave me.

2.  OF COURSE if you’ve ever seen my besti, Jeff, and my wall to wall on facebook, you might notice the trend of starting every statement, question, remark, and basically anything with “remember whens”.   I mean, it’s impossible to remember something that hasn’t happened yet, but it’s not about “making sense”.

3.  This was Ra’mon and I’s first night in New York!  We were in Times Square looking for someplace to eat and he stopped me and said, ok before we do anything else we need to take a picture here. 🙂 So cute and happy.  We look like we belong there, no?

4.  This was my FIRST Limon company experience back in March.  The dancers were staying at the Westin and us U of Mers went to hang out and take them out for a night on the town the Minnesota (which equals freezing, naturally) way.

5.  So this is really cut off but it’s John Sand and I posing at the Citypages photobooth on the 4th of July at Too Much Love.  Clearly we were dressing down that night and thinking rather conservatively.  Also, we were by no means drunk.

6.  Another John Sand and Brent Radeke classic.  The U Otter was the perfect night before I headed to NYC.  We sang karaoke and drank whisky cokes and generally had a brilliant time, like always.  What I remember most from that night is my clever tactics in avoiding a trip to White Caste and instead directing hunger toward the wonderful and always open McDonalds.

7.  FORD HALL. Besti Jeff and I posed in front of the infamous and fordable Ford Hall on the Fierce Purple Cardigan holiday known as Gay Easter.  Of course no GE could be complete without a trip to Noodles.  We walked all over campus but eventually we ate and finished off the night watching Jesus Christ Super Star for Pjsesus.

8.  (2nd row furtherst right)  2009 UDT and I believe it was opening night.  Duncan, Kat, and I were sporting our fierce costumes for Shapiro and Smith’s “A Moment Before”.  Starr’s in the background making fun of our wedgies, I’m sure.  An amazing cast, an amazing dance, and an amazing UDT.  I miss dancing with everyone back home more than a little bit.

9.  My favorite part of the summer is my “vacation” up north to Nisswa.  Riding on the jetski with my cousins and getting tan in my tiny swimsuit was the goal and i SUCCEEDED.  I also succeeded at getting drunk by noon and taking shots with my mother.

10.  Biggie Slims and I rockin out the NYE 2009 at the Crystal Ball. OH WHAT A NIGHT.  Let’s just say that BEP song was pretty true 4sr.

11.  Me and my hero, Ananya on my last day at work at ADT.  Miss her and that work and those amazing women and doing some social justice but trying to forge my own path now.

12.  Jesi and I were 2cool4school eating lunch on the steps of the Met.  Gossip Girl XOXO.  That’s right, I’m the queen bee.

13.  (bottom left)  Harry Potter 6 was probably one of THE highlights of the summer for me.  Dressed up and going to the midnight showing.  I swear I went with the most creative group of costumes.  I was the least creative, but I at least wasn’t like Ron or Harry or something.  IT WAS SO GOOD.

14.  Honestly, 2009 (and part of 2008) were the years of Missa Brevis.  I have been doing Limon work now for over a year. CRAZY.  It brought me to China, though so I can’t really complain…at all.  The part in the pic is from the sextet.

15.  STATE FAIR DUH.  Me and the ladies went to the state fair and stuffed ourselves with entirely too much food and I ruined a pair of shorts dancing and we got SOAKED on a water ride.  One of THE BEST days of the year.  I am definitely coming back next year for some more food and laughs.

16.  (Last but definitely not least) Transmission.  Kara, John and I (the sprfshn trio) invaded Jager for 80s night.  Of course we were the most fabulous people there, but we didn’t win the Madonna discography for best costume.  Not cool.  Of course we went to McDonalds after and of course we had a fabulous time.  There’s always drama, of course, with some ex or another showing up but what’s fun without a little FLARE?  (If I don’t stop writing soon I’m going to throw up)  I was clearly an 80s dancer and John was some country star or something.

OK those were my 16 pictures.  2009 is done and i’m ovr it.

BaI

In 2010 John Sand WILL watch Cats.

You know when you’re so close to something you want that you can taste it?  It’s significantly difficult.  It’s a precarious matter. It’s a slippery slope:  maybe not in the conventional usage of the phrase, but you feel like you could fall over at any given time.  Life is like that for me right now.  Too close to the untouchable, to the unchangeable.  I’m roughly 2 weeks away from escape, though.  I thought I’d be thrilled to get away, but now I’m not 100 percent sure.  I feel a little weird, not ready.  I never really feel ready for anything I’m doing though. Practice practice practice think think practice think think practice.  How can I get through days like this?  I’m not trying to be emo or angsty.  I’m really just wondering. So much is at stake right now in so many ways.  How do you know which way to go?  Follow your heart, your head, or your dream?  I guess it seems like sometimes you when you want to do all 3 it becomes increasingly difficult to do any of them.  I end up sitting here, not really moving, not really taking any chances.  I’m pretty sure I want to figure it all out, to go away for a weekend to think, to escape to the woods and just be without any distractions to clear my head, heart, and hopes.  It isn’t enough just to think that everything’s clear right now because I’m pretty sure that none of it is.

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  I should write more, vent more, eat more, read more, live more.  I should do so many shoulds and I hate shoulds more than most other things. I’m incredibly annoyed too.  I wish people would grow up, or get a clue, or open their eyes.  I wish I weren’t so veiled.  I wish people knew when I was being serious.  I wish so much.  I wish, I think, I dream, I hope.  Do you see a trend?

Fall’s a good time of year.  I like it the most.  I’m excited to be in a new place for it.  To fall madly in love with a city I know very little about.  I’m scared to leave everything behind.  I’m terrified of coming back and it all being changed, or maybe worse for it to be mostly the same but feeling not right because I can’t figure out what’s changed.

Anyway, I’ll write again later. Maybe tonight but for sure tomorrow.  I don’t know if writing is good for me, but I’ll do it.

I haven’t written in forever. I feel like I have lots to say but not really sure how to say it. I guess I don’t let people in.  I guess maybe I should.  I guess this is maybe not the place to let it all out.

I’m 25 now.  Weird.  I feel like I’ve been getting noticed on the street though.  I always thought when I turned 25 I would have everything figured out, where I was going, etc.  I’m sure I already said this before.  Here I am, 25, with nothing figured out.  I don’t really think anyone has anything figured out though.  I’m pretty sure if someone says they do, they’re really just lying to themselves and others.

I want the world to stay mouldable. I hate when things start to harden, to cement themselves in place.  I think it’s an immaturity I don’t want to let go of.  I don’t want life to solidify or become fixed.  The only fixed thing I want is for things to stay not fixed.  Fixed as in static, not repaired.  I think once something is fixed it’s much harder to repair.

Summer seems to be going by quickly.  I’m trying to take tame to enjoy it, but it’s hard when work demands so much.  I’m not even full-time, but I feel so crazy half the time.  It’s good though.  Keeps me busy and my brain engaged.  I think that’s about it for now.

Tomorrow is my birthday.  It seems quite strange.  I’ve seen Harry Potter three times now, and I absolutely love it.  I’m getting older, but I don’t know that I feel it.  I don’t know what to feel exactly.  It’s like being 25 is just like turning 5.  I’m not really sure about time or linearity or anything like that.  I’m sure that I don’t know as much as I did then.  Or maybe I know more.  Little boxes on the hillside.

The zoo tomorrow.  With dinner and who knows what else.  I’m hoping for a nice day.  I feel slightly discombobulated. My thoughts and my dreams and my wishes are all colliding.  If I could see the stars I bet it would feel something like that.

Things I Don’t Like:

  1. The smell of fresh paint and the absence of fresh paint signs.
  2. People who try to manipulate me.
  3. Being patronized.
  4. Being lied to by giant institutions.
  5. The fact that power and money corrupt.
  6. Bullshit.
  7. Hypocrisy.

Things I like:

  1. Making cakes.
  2. Reading books.
  3. Theory.
  4. Dancing.
  5. Sincere friends.
  6. The water and the beach.
  7. Discussions that last for hours.